Chapter 3: Challenges you may face

Facing “Why” questions


Why didn’t I get what he was trying to say to me? What did I miss?

The unanswered question “Why?” is the hardest thing to live with.

Suicide losscan be particularly disorienting. How do you make sense of something so unexpected or so hard to understand? In the early days, you may try to wrap your head around the question of “why?”  Roll your mouse over each of the boxes below to reveal some questions you may be asking yourself.






Why did this happen?





Why did I not see this coming?





Why didn’t someone help?





Why now?



What may help

  • As you struggle to find answers, or some clarity or peace of mind, you may be weaving together bits of information about the person who died or about their death. You may be searching for clues to help you piece together a story that helps you to make sense of your loss or understand how this death could have happened.
  • Recognize that you may be grappling with questions for some time. You may eventually find some answers; or you may find less-disturbing ways to live with your questions.
  • Some people who have grieved this kind of loss have, in time, been able to arrive at a place they can live with: it’s not about getting a perfect explanation with all the answers in place, but rather about finding a story that makes sense or is “bearable” to them at the time. Creating a narrative, can bring you some relief as you consider or acknowledge that there were many factors, not all of which are known, that led to this death.